a vision of my dream lately....

I'm feeling so nervous these days, and don't care anymore about my job, all I think is that I wana make sure that the job that I will get in the future is good for my imaan, my future and my family. I do really want to get rid of the PTPTN debsy debt and help my parents :)

I have perform an istikharah, 2 times... the first time, I dreamt abt me staying in a huge building which has so many rooms like a hostel or something, and so many arabs girls around me, and there is one girl in that dream has caused a chaos in the place we live, and I felt so insecure. I thought it was nothing, because at first, i thought that as long as we saw anything that we really so into in our dream, then we pass, I got so totally wrong about it now, by analyzing my second dream.  So the 2nd istikharah vision that I have attained is when I got to witness a statement that was given to me, and I read them thoroughly that I have to pay certain amount ($$$) , (and its quite big )... so that I would have a chance to work at there, and that moment subhanAllah, my emotions was feeling so uneasy and I do not how to describe it but so despair in my dream.... and till now, I could not get rid of my nervousness... Allahu musta'an. Im still hoping that I could get something for the third istikharah...

HIS decision is top of everything

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

I just received a job offer in Dubai as a customer/airport service agent on 24 Jan 2011. It is under Emirates Careers Group, the one that I applied last 2 months, masyAllah alhamdulillah... Allahu musta'an. Nothing that I really wish for right now except to make a strong du'a upon Him, and laid my utmost trust upon His power and merciful. By the time I received the email, my heart was pumping at no reason, nervous perhaps, tears came down over the cheeks, my body even was shaken and lead me to a hot temperature over the sphere...  feeling so touched and the sense of beyond expectations. The feeling is not merely happy I can tell, its kinda something that really blew my face off, my ego and everything, feeling that really made you grief in happiness, something that is really from Him, the one. By that time, I realized that  for all these while, He has been listening to me ... Allah..

So I have sent the confirmation yesterday and now waiting for the next step, a lot of things going on my mind till now, it is the golden opportunity as what mentioned by shafa, and it is something that will give me a chance to explore the foreign world according to wanek :). 

Me, personally feel that it's really a precious moment and chance that I have ever had in my life, but what if the dream still way beyond from becoming the reality? this is what I have advised to myself, Allah knows everything, what is the best for me, what is the best for my imaan, future, career and everything, nothing is worth than to have His blissful blessing, subhanAllah... even till the last breath of me, I will, biiznillah with all my strength to have the strong husn zann upon Him, my only God...

Nothing is impossible for Him, its really is... even when we wana fix a simple thing, like how to fix a radio that got a problem with its internal side (unseen), but if we put our unconditional and utmost trust upon Him, if Allah will it, He would do everything to lead us a way to achieve our goal... Allahu musta'an .. =)

and for right now, by having this job offer, I will never stop to fall my forehead upon Him, I will still pray the best, do the best, try the best in waiting the best from Him... SubhanAllah..

Dunia adalah sejadahku ...

Dunia adalah sejadahku ke hadratMu...
Untukku menyembah padaMu yang agung,
Yang mencipta daku dari tiupan roh qudusMu,
Yang memberiku pendamping tumbesaranku, ibu dan ayah.

Telah banyak dosa aku lakukan terhadapMu,
Malah setiap kali anggotaku melakukan dosa,
Nur Kaulah yang menyinariku untuk bawaku ke tebing siratMu,
Yang menjanjikan syurga yang menjanjikan kebahagian,
sesuatu yang haqiqi...

Kaulah tuhan, kaulah cinta, kaulah yang satu,
tiada apa pun yang dapat menyerupai zatMu dan kekuasaanMu,
Dialah kekasihmu, pembimbing kami dan kasih kami terhadapmu, dialah Muhammad s.a.w...
tiada apa pun yang dapat menyesatkan kami melainkan pedoman Quran dan sunnah yang diberiMu...

Kaulah pemberi ilham, kaulah penyeri suami dan isteri,
Kaulah cinta hebat yang tiada tandingan,
Yang terus mendampingi jiwa kami sehingga kami di hujung nyawa,
Yang melindingi kami daripada godaan iblis dan syaitan...

Yang tidak pernah berputus asa terhadap hambaMu...
Ya Allah, ya ajmal gharam, laisa kamislik syai'i'un...

My latest status... :)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim... 

I am currently looking for a good job, been taking up myself to few interviews, filling out the ITNM translation test and so far, no result has been showed yet... He knows everything... right ? :) and the latest ad is that, gorgeous Aini has informed me about all state of Pejabat Daerah is in the hunt for those who are interested to be Guru Ganti ... so yeah, I would like to give my best shot and will take these two days to go there and fill out the form, khalas and leave everything upon HIM. For right now, I still keep a dream to chase - joining DPLI... omg :P

Besides feeling so grateful to unveil some of the leftovers, I am trying hard my core to be healthy and slimo... I have been spending lots of time at home and that has made me to discover my odd hobbies… starting from unofficial blog writer at home, having a walk in the evening, a total guitar crush and now I’m working on shuffle dance. (totally unbelievable for a shawly girl like me to dance such risky arcade move) . I had my knee injured during Volleyball recruitment for MASUM last year and now its recovering insyALLAh. 

But yeah I admit that I am a type of girl that really worst when it comes to emotional, career, future, family, friendship and helding a title as a full-time servant of ALLah are what have kept me thinking all the time while I am jobless now. And I could see and witness those hideous sides of me becoming alive in this delusional world. I am gradually start to lift myself up to the next level, from the guidance of my beautiful Allah, family and beautiful friends + cats... alhamdulillah. I’m always keep everything in me, I never tend to force myself to wide my chest and foreseen myself to be someone that always free to everything except others’ sharing thought of moment. 

I am not a religious person though I have certain knowledge on Islam, it doesn’t make me to change myself nowadays, but me, like the rest of any fragile soul… I always wanted to make friends with those who are more aware than I am and accept me who I am now. I have so many types of friend that I could categorize them and put them into the puzzle of life…

By the way, InsyAllah, I'm gona attend myself to a seminar entitled "Future Solehah Spouse" that will be held on this coming Sunday (16 Jan 2011) @ IIUM, so I am going to spend my whole day there and imbibe all the ilm of taqwa insyALLah... It is something that I regard as a chance and a great cloud 9 for me to fulfill over the weekend a.k.a spiritual food :) and thanx to my beloved friend, Wanek for informing me about this seminar, and it is hoped that I could jot something and note everything from there and share what I have been exposed to this seminar with all :) 

Anyway, I am so happy that my uncle will come back from his sail  and he was in US and China for these past few months (been spending most of his days on the sea) ... InsyAllah he'll be back this coming Saturday... he is a captain in MSC shipping (salary=14k per month)... OMG...its nice, and I  realized it was too late for me to join ALAM... huhu, he said that "dah gayut, tak boleh dah" means too old right now :P 


Allahu alam, InnAllah Raad ...

More to share ... Peace yaw

Darkest Dream

Wishing love that never comes true, alludes me beyond the raging celestial stars.

I wonder how ceaseless your shadow in those shun of love.

Alone. Peculiar. Odd. Strange.

You named it over my name.

Like a cloud that bruise its wings beyond those aflame sight.

You are what you are, need me live in those incarnation.

With me lying on those bed of dying roses.

Love. Passion. Lust. Luxurious.

I named it over your name.

Like a stream that brings me in those abloom wynd of soul.

Breaking my heart

Love that emotes, within your soul and my beauty sight…

I wish I could leave those behind, and bring myself up against all odd.

I have tried and my soul hides.

Wonder what’s love heed, what’s love need beyond those boring brick.

Lover means is always God.

Through those shattered glass, I end myself with those razors on your solemn blade.

Prose 16 - By thE UnsEEn yOu

I had you reciting those chivalrous words, running through my veinless arm of hope. It is an effing jubilant moment of my cretinous life in the heath of the amicable sight. I found you in my ceaseless mind, standing by me, smiling at me, each time I had smile on your ruthless remembrance. By the cloud that shed my eyebrows into a piece of your picturesque indulgence, I wish I could love you like a saint and touch you harmless. I was driven, all the time by your shattered pieces of puzzle... took me within those breviary stream of my line. I wish you could read between the lines that ahead my words on you, my vow on you and my fortes on you. All those words, came undone, like a paramour fight for it's love... to breath again. You held my love in your frameless hand, filling those roses into a frozen enigma. I smear and I wide myself into a dungeon of your sight. Dear love, You are my fairy tale that grows to exist, in this powerful emoticon of me. Having those vision without your being, it is undeniable like a drawless mist of cloud. Wish I could draw you like my dream by those bluish lunette, heed your love and heed your soul. All the lane that I have taken in this life, fray me in those arduous sphere where I need you in my life, oneday. Wishing that you could be my angel that guides me to the utmost love, through those streets that cost me a brim loyal. Though you are hidden by the box of perplexity and unseen by the overhauled eyes, you will always meant to be exist and eke out a living. With those beautiful complexion of you which is lining with the sense of protectiveness, you are definitely my arms and shoulders that my emotions always lain to. You smile with those sweet eyes and tears with all the ail we share. The sweetness in you brought me alive in those night of wallows, grandiosity, totally filling my viscus into a heath of splendiferous verbena.